There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
