its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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