i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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