I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
