So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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