God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
