dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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