You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I believe in your delicious
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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