She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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