Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
