he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
