drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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