i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
