The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
then he tried to convert me to islam
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
