i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.