Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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