i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.