WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.