Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
