ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.