Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
