I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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