After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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