when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
