I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
