I just gift wrapped bread.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
