Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
