you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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