the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
