another moral hangover. fuck.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
