Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
