I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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