Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate