shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
This couple is walking their pig around campus
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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