Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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