Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
