the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
