i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
