puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
