My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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