Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
so much tequila, so little girl.
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