Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
