Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
