She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
