get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and she was petting her beer can
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totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
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He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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