Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
