True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
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I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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