Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
