then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
