ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
