Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
