had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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