she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
