are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
