I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
