you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
