matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
