So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
