There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
