and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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