Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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