Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Found your dick twin last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize