I am puke
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
