I accidentally burped into my bong.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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