You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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