ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
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So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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