In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
