I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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