I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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