no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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