My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
