My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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